


New beginnings

by Puddleduck81



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puddleduck81/pseuds/Puddleduck81





	1. Chapter 1

Patterson and Zapata clung together, totally numb. Darkness, damp and cold surrounded them; the air had a bitter, metallic taste to it. To their right lay the body of their team member, their friend, Zapata’s best friend: Edgar Reade. 

His broken body had finally given up to the extreme torture all three members of the team had been subjected too since being kidnapped. Black hoods had been thrown over their heads, and a syringe stabbed in their necks as they left a bar after solving a case one evening. They had been transported to this tiny cell and had no idea where they were; Patterson calculated they had been there about two months. They had all been taken from separate places, Reade from the FBI, Tasha from the CIA and Patterson from the NSA where she had bene seconded.

Reade had been the first to be dumped in the cell, then Patterson. They hadn’t seen each other for over a year. It had been almost two years since Patterson had seen Zapata. Patterson felt tears pricking her eyes as she thought back to her last moments with Zapata. They had left Weller’s apartment after Jane’s arrival and had shared a taxi. In the taxi Patterson had held Tasha’s hand and asked if she could stay with her. After everything that had happened in the last couple of days she didn’t want to be alone. Patterson had also wanted to keep an eye on Tasha’s still very fresh wound. Tasha had agreed and they went to Patterson’s apartment. They had curled up on Patterson’s couch, sharing a bottle of whiskey. Patterson couldn’t stop the tears as she remembered what happened next. She and Tasha had both looked at each other at the same time, deeply, intensely and then they both leaned in and ended up kissing passionately. Their kissing had led them to Patterson’s bed and whilst nothing other than kissing and cuddling had happened, the next morning, Tasha had woken up, freaked out and left at the crack of dawn and had avoided Patterson ever since. Patterson had bene hurt by Tasha’s avoidance, they had been so close, and hurt even more when Tasha joined the CIA. Still, Patterson loved Tasha and it had broken her heart when a bloodied and bruised Tasha had been thrown into the cell with herself and Reade.

All three had been stripped of all their clothes, not only to humiliate them, but also to add to the bone-numbing cold they experienced. They were all chained by an ankle and their hands bound by zip ties, but Patterson and Zapata were able to reach out and hold each other in a way despite their hands being bound. It seemed that whatever had happened between them 2 years ago had been forgotten. They needed each other. Huge masked men came in several times a day and carried out a range of torture methods on each person, forcing the other two to watch. Reade was also forced to watch Patterson and Zapata being violently raped in addition to the electrocutions, water-boarding and beatings. Zapata had endured the worst of the rapes as she spat in the guards faces and taunted them. Still none of them gave any information about Jane or Weller. They would rather die, and now after a prolonged electrocution, Reade had done exactly that: he had died.

Zapata and Patterson cried until they had no tears left when they realised what had happened. It was difficult to tell at first as they had all been in and out of consciousness, but Zapata had managed to feel for a pulse and there was none. It was just a corpse down there in the cell with them. They had screamed and screamed for a guard to come but no one had come. Now, the two women were huddled together, as far away from Reade’s lifeless corpse as they could get. They didn’t care that they were both naked, both were filthy from months of being unable to wash, they just needed to hold on to each other; both were terrified of being the last one left alive. Neither could speak, they had no words left, they just felt empty.

It was hitting Zapata particularly hard. Reade had been her best friend for years. He had always been there for her, could read her like a book and she trusted him completely. She had been there for him in return. She loved him like a brother, she had never had such a close bond with anyone before Reade, and now he was gone. The pain of his loss was gnawing at her stomach, she was about to vomit again. Quickly, she turned away from the relative warmth and comfort of Patterson and vomited what little her stomach contained. 

Patterson tried to comfort Zapata by rubbing her back, which was difficult with her bound hands. Nothing she could say would help Zapata, she could see that, but she was determined to do everything she could to show her that she was there and that she cared deeply for her.

The heavy, metal cell door swung open on its hinges and crashed against the mouldy wall. Two guards entered. They walked over to the lifeless body of Reade and kicked it. “Time to get up and have some fun!” one of the guards snarled. 

“He’s dead you dumb fuck. Get away from him!” Zapata spat. Her words earnt her a hard smack across the face, the force sent her unconsciously recoiling back into Patterson’s body. 

“Don’t touch him, don’t you dare touch her either. Take me!” Patterson pleaded as she tried to wipe blood from Zapata’s face and propped her up against the wall. 

The guards laughed, “she your bitch now is she?” they laughed, “ well once we get rid of him, you can be our bitch.” They snarled, heaving Reade’s body along the floor and outside of the door. They returned and undid Patterson’s ankle chain and leaned her over a table, shackling her wrists and ankles to the floor and table. Patterson knew what was coming next. They guards took turns at forcing themselves inside her, raping her. Zapata came to and wincing in pain she looked up and saw both men raping Patterson who looked barely conscious, they were both inside her, totally violating her. Zapata roared and tried to free herself and succeeded in breaking her zip ties. She had never felt anger like it, rage coursed through her veins as she picked up a heavy metal plate and hurled it at one of the guards, striking him on the head with such force, blood started to pour from a gash on his head. He fell to the ground. The other guard pulled up his pants and grabbed Tasha by the throat, pinning her to the wall. “Don’t you ever try anything like that again you filthy whore or we’ll make you watch us cut your friend open.” He hissed. Zapata spat in his face, earning her another blow to the face. The guard heaved his fellow guard out of the room, and then dragged Patterson back and threw her into the corner, chaining her ankle again. 

Zapata pulled a barely conscious Patterson to her and with her now unbound hands smoother the hair from her face and stroked her cheek. “Patterson, can you hear me? They’ve gone and they forgot to do our hands.” She whispered before continuing, “Look what I managed to grab off the guard!” she added revealing a key and small knife. “We’re going to get out of here, I promise you Patterson, I’m going to get you out of here and keep you safe.” She soothed, cradling Patterson in her arms. Patterson opened her eyes and tried to smile and in a hoarse whisper managed to say, “I love you Tasha, I believe you” before passing out again.


	2. Chapter 2

Zapata held Patterson tight and kept her in a comfortable position to help with her breathing. A plan began to form in Zapata’s mind. She had access to her hands, as did Patterson. She was confident she could pick the locks on their shackles and she had a key which she was sure was for their cell door. She knew she had seriously injured the guard when she threw the plate. She wasn’t sure how many other guards there were in the building. She was confident she would have enough energy for a short burst attacking, she wasn’t sure if Patterson did or not though. She also thought she could make a couple of weapons from their chains and some rock she could chisel from the wall. She decided to listen to the footfalls about her to try and work out how many men there were in the building and then launch her attack when she heard the least amount of steps. She had no idea whether it was day or night really but was working on the assumption that the guards came during the day time. Today had to be the time of their attack as the guards would recognise soon enough that their hands were untied. The other problem was she had no idea where in the world they were, and they were both also butt naked and injured and had no means of communication. If they had time she would grab clothing from the guards on the way out, and they must have a phone or radio they could also steal

Tasha waited until Patterson awoke and then told her the plan. Patterson, though very fearful knew it was the best opportunity they had and agreed to go along with it. 

After what felt like hours, Zapata felt confident there were no more than three guards above them. She had picked the locks on their shackles and had fashioned some weapons from the chain and buckle and a couple of lumps of rock. If the guards shot at them they were defenceless, they just had to pray their blitz attack would be too quick for them to respond.

“Patterson, it’s time. Are you ready?” Zapata asked 

“As ready as I’ll ever be. Are you sure we can do this?” Patterson asked, her voice trembling.

“Yes. We have to go now, it’s our only chance. Stay behind me and do exactly what I say.” Zapata commanded, slipping in to full on field operations mode. “We owe it to Reade to get out.” 

Patterson nodded as Zapata unlocked the door to the cell. She admired her courage and fearlessness. She was the bravest person she’d ever met. She was also very intelligent and beautiful with it. Zapata was also one of the most stubborn people she’d ever met too, not always a good thing she thought to herself. Patterson totally trusted Zapata, she trusted her with her life. 

Zapata crept out, keep flat to the wall, Patterson followed close behind. There was a trickle of light coming from under the door at the top of the stairs. The walls were cold and damp and Patterson didn’t want to think about what creatures were nesting in the walls. Zapata motioned for her to stay back as she put her ear to the door. She tried the handle – it wasn’t locked.

Zapata indicated that she heard two voices. She waited until she heard them move near the door, then she flung the door back with as much force as she could the burst through the door. She quickly assessed the position of the guards, one she’d knocked to the floor, the other was reaching for a gun. She launched herself at him, forcing him backwards and onto the floor, knocking his gun from his hands before swinging her rock and chain at his head repeatedly until she was sure he was dead.

“Patterson, quick now!” she yelled before running back to the man felled by the door and again hitting him with her makeshift weapon. Patterson hobbled into the room and grabbed guns and a phone from the men as Zapata pulled the jackets and boots from them. She thrust a jacket and boots at Patterson and quickly pulled them on before grabbing Patterson by the hand pulling her to the external door. She did a quick look all around the building which seemed to be totally surrounded by dense forest. She heard voices coming from her right so dragged Patterson to the left and ran as fast as they could into the forest. 

It was dark, but judging by the position of sliver of light staring on the horizon, it was approaching dawn. Zapata indicated for Patterson to be quiet as she pulled her through dense brambles. The brambles and branches tore at their skin but Zapata kept forging her way forwards through the vegetation for what seemed like miles. Patterson stumbled and fell, suppressing a howl of pain she felt rising. It was only then Zapata stopped. She looked down full of concern at her friend Patterson. She looked totally exhausted and Zapata knew she wouldn’t be able to walk much further, and she also knew she wouldn’t be able to carry the taller woman. 

Zapata stood still and listened: she couldn’t hear anyone following her. Perhaps the materials she had thrown in the opposite direction to which they had run had thrown them off their tracks. She bent down and whispered to Patterson, “Hey, you, you did good girl.” She smiled tenderly as she spoke. “We’re going to stay here for a while. You try and sleep, I’ll keep watch and try and get a signal for that phone.” She added, removing her jacket and wrapping it around the naked from the waist down Patterson. It left her totally naked but she couldn’t risk Patterson dying from hypothermia now they had come this far. Patterson smiled weakly, “You trying to show off your beautiful body Tash, remember what happened last time?” she asked as Zapata started piling up branches to provide cover and shelter. Zapata turned and looked at Patterson and laughed. “That’s my girl! Perhaps I’ll show you more when we get home!” she pretended to flirt as she became embarrassed at how she had run out on Patterson the last time she had seen her. It had the desired effect as Patterson laughed. “Seriously Patterson, try and rest, sleep, I’ll keep you safe.” 

“I know you will, my beautiful, brave warrior princess.” Patterson replied, allowing herself to drift into sleep.

Zapata dragged a few more branches to make a shelter before trying to boost the mobile signal. She eventually got a signal and tried calling Weller. The phone connected but cut out. She tried sending a text. She couldn’t give a location so she set the phone up to keep auto dialling, praying that Weller would be able to track the signal before the battery died. There was nothing else she could do so she climbed inside the shelter and wrapped herself around Patterson, in an attempt to keep them both warm. As she started to fall into unconsciousness from exhaustion, she remembered how she had left Patterson totally in the lurch when she ran out on her. Tasha had been so overcome with emotion, she had been totally in love with Patterson for years, and when they had kissed and ended up in bed she had become afraid of her emotions, afraid of getting involved with Patterson in case she ended up doing something of break Patterson’s heart, and she had fled. She had barely spoken to Patterson since as it had hurt her too much.

As the sun started to rise, milky light filtered through the trees, and the air started to feel warmer. Zapata felt Patterson stir in her arms, she was waking up. “Tasha?” Patterson croaked. “Ssh, I’m here.” Zapata replied stroking her friend’s hair. “It’s daytime, I’m hoping Weller managed to track the phone. How are you feeling?” she asked, her voice laden with concern. 

“I’m ok, hungry and thirsty.” Patterson replied turning herself around in Zapata’s arms so she was facing her. She saw such tenderness and care in Zapata’s face, she had to wrap her arms around the still naked Tasha. “Thank you.” She croaked before adding, “Tasha, you’re freezing, take the other jacket back.” 

“I’m fine.” Zapata said

“I’m not taking no for an answer Tash. Take the jacket, now.” Patterson ordered. Zapata smiled, she knew Patterson wasn’t going to back down and took the jacket before hugging Patterson tight to her chest and planting a gentle kiss on the blonde’s forehead.

“What was that for?” Patterson asked, “not that I’m complaining!” she added with a smile.   
“Just because you’re my favourite person, you’re so smart and beautiful and funny and brave…and I’ve missed you” Zapata replied smiling. She could’ve sworn Patterson blushed as she spoke. 

Just then, they both heard the unmistakable sound of helicopter blades above them followed by rapid gunfire coming from the direction of the building they had fled from. The gunfire was returned by the helicopters. “This is the FBI, you are surrounded put down your weapons.” They heard over a loud speaker. 

“Tasha, Weller found us! You’re a genius!” Patterson squeaked, her azure –blue eyes sparkling for the first time since they had been captured. Unexpectedly and suddenly, Patterson leaned forwards and kissed Zapata on the lips. “You really did save us!”

Zapata was momentarily stunned by Patterson’s kiss, her lips tingled form where they had made contact. She shook her head to try and regain her composure. “Patterson, stay here, I’m going to go towards the building to show them we’re here, just wait….” Zapata was interrupted by the sound of boots breaking twigs behind her and a gun being cocked. She froze, had they been found by the enemy?

She swung around quickly and came face to face with Jane. She fell to her knees, emotion overcoming her, “Jane, you found us!” was all she managed to get out before she passed out. 

At the sound of Jane’s voice, Patterson emerged from the makeshift shelter. She threw her arms around Jane then around Zapata on the floor. “Tasha, Tasha, wake up, Tasha!” she cried.

Jane was quickly removing her jacket and outer layers and wrapping them around Zapata. She looked at Patterson and Zapata realising they were all but naked. She radioed Weller and other members of the rescue team ordering blankets and pants. She tried to hide their nakedness from the rescue team, grabbing blankets and clothes as they arrived. As Weller arrived, Jane had managed to cover both of the women, and Patterson collapsed on top of Zapata, holding on to her, everything turned black.


	3. Chapter 3

Patterson awoke gasping for air, her eyes trying to blink away the harsh artificial strip lighting as she thrashed about trying to free herself from her constraints, which she rapidly discovered were a tightly tucked-in blanket, and an assortment of wires connecting her to machines. Patterson felt alarmed, where was she? Where was everyone else? Where was Tasha? She pulled the wires from her body triggering a variety of alarms and a swarm of nurses filled her room as she tried to get up. She quickly fell back to her bed, her body clearly wasn’t strong enough for movement yet. 

“Miss, Miss, you can’t get up, you must lie still. You’ve had some major trauma and the doctor needs to talk to you about your condition.” A nurse said.

“Where am I? Where’s Tasha, agent Zapata? What’s going on?” Patterson spluttered, her throat felt like razor wire and she realised she must’ve had tubes shoved down her throat.

“You’re in a private hospital in New York, your friend Miss Zapata is in a room just down the hall. You were brought in two days ago, you were so dehydrated, malnourished and had multiple broken bones. You’ve been in and out of consciousness.” Another nurse replied kindly.

“You need to move me, I need to be with Tasha. Is she ok? Is she awake?” Patterson asked.

“She was in a similar condition to you. She had a few more broken bones and a ruptured spleen. She’s been in and out of consciousness too, more unconscious than conscious.” The same nurse answered.

“I need to be there when she wakes up. I need to be with her, we took care of each other. You need to put us in the same room or I’m taking myself there.” Patterson said stubbornly.

“I don’t know if that’s possible miss.” A nurse said.

“Special Agent Patterson to you, and I work for the FBI and NSA. I can make things happen so I suggest you move us now.” Patterson demanded. 

The nurses looked at each other then went outside. Patterson sat on her bed. Her body ached. She clearly had broken bones as she had casts on her. She felt dreadful, but all she could think about was seeing Tasha face down and unconscious on the forest floor. She thought she’d lost her.

A few moments later, a nurse returned with an orderly. “We’ve found a twin room with the facilities you both need. We’ll move you now. The doctor will talk to you tomorrow” The nurse said. 

Patterson smiled, she was going to be with Tasha, her Tasha, she’d be safe then. Patterson obediently lay back in her bed as the orderly wheeled her to another larger room before disappearing to retrieve, she presumed, Tasha. She hadn’t intended too, but she fell into a deep sleep before the orderly returned.

When Patterson next awoke she was screaming and retching violently – she could feel the guard all over her and smelt his sickly-sweet breath. She heard a voice calling her name, “Patterson, Patterson, it’s ok, we’re safe, you’re having a nightmare.” Patterson stopped screaming, that voice, she recognised it, it was Tasha. Patterson’s terror eased as she listened to the voice and blinking, she heaved herself upright and saw Tasha sitting up in the bed next to her. Patterson started crying when she saw her. “Patterson?” Zapata asked softly, “Are you ok?”

Through her sobs, Patterson managed a reply: “Tasha, is it really you? I thought I’d lost you. You look awful.”

Tasha did her best to smile and tried to reach across for Patterson’s hand but the beds just weren’t close enough. “Thanks for that compliment! “she smiled weakly. 

Patterson blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, you just don’t look well.” She said concerned. She was right. Zapata looked paler than she’d ever seen her, there was no beautiful bronze glow to her skin, it looked dry and pasty, she was covered in bruises, her eyes were sunken, her normally glossy hair looked matted and dry and she looked so skinny. Her already small frame looked so fragile and child-like now.

“You’re no oil painting yourself lady!” Zapata quipped back, trying to make light of the situation. She knew she looked rough, she felt rough and she was aching due to the loss of Reade. She was desperate to know if his body had been recovered, but she and Patterson were too sick to have visitors. She had found out that when Weller and Jane found them, they were both on the verge of death, their major organs were failing and it had been touch and go for a while for both of them, and that was just the physical side of things. She also had the feeling the nurse had been holding something else back, which worried her somewhat. Tasha struggled to keep her emotions in check as she thought about Reade, and how close she had come to losing Patterson too and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

Patterson was immediately concerned, in all her years working with Zapata, she had never once seen her cry. Zapata kept all her emotions bottled up, she never let anyone in, no matter how many times Patterson had tried to get her to open up. Now, here she was crying silent tears, there must be something very wrong. Now Patterson was trying to reach across to Zapata but couldn’t. “Tasha, what’s wrong. Are you in pain? Has something happened I don’t know about?” Patterson panicked. 

Zapata shook her head. She couldn’t speak. Though she was crying silently, her body was shaking violently with the tears. Patterson couldn’t stand seeing Zapata like this; she pulled herself as upright as she could, leaned over and grabbed the rail of Tasha’s bed and using what little strength she had, managed to pull the bed closer: close enough to take Tasha’s hand. It was cold and clammy but Tasha seized Patterson’s hand tightly, like she was hanging on for dear life. Without looking up she sobbed, “He’s dead Patterson, I loved him, he was my best friend. What am I going to do now? I’m all alone again, I’m so scared, I’m so so scared.” She sobbed.

Patterson squeezed her hand. “Tasha, look at me. I loved him too, I know he was your best friend and I can’t imagine how much you’re hurting and I know I can’t say anything to make it hurt less. Listen to me though Tash, you’re not alone. You’ve got me and I love you. I’m scared too, but I promise you I’m always going to be here for you and we can try and get through this together.” She spoke gently.

Tasha looked up and her dark- chocolate eyes met Patterson’s piercing blue eyes which were now brimming with tears that threatened to overflow. Neither woman spoke, they just looked into each other’s eyes and let the tears fall, but holding onto each other’s hands, they both thought that maybe, just maybe things might get better. All that pain, the beatings and unspeakable things that had been done to them both were very raw, and close to the surface, but they had both shared those experiences. Patterson was right, they weren’t alone: they had each other. Safe in that thought, they fell asleep holding hands.

They both had awful never-ending nightmares throughout the night and did their best to comfort each other when they heard their screams. They awoke with a start the next morning when the doctor came in to talk to them.

“Miss Patterson and Miss Zapata. How are you both feeling?” he enquired.

“Like I’ve been tortured for weeks and haven’t slept.” Zapata replied dryly.

“Same.” Patterson added.

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised you’re not very talkative. You’ve both been through immense trauma, physically and psychologically and I’m afraid there’s a long way to go yet. I have some medical news of a quite personal and serious nature. Normally I would speak to you privately, but the nurses tell me you’ve refused to be separated, so if you’re happy then I will talk to you both now. Is that ok?” he asked.

Patterson and Zapata looked at each other. Bad news? Serious? What the hell did that mean. They squeezed each other’s hands tight. “That’s fine by me.” Zapata replied.

“Me too doctor. What is it? Are we dying?” Patterson asked, her voice trembling with fear.

“No, nothing like that. You’re through the worst in that respect. We carried out a series of tests on you both, routine and at the request of your colleagues, we carried out sexual assault tests.” Patterson and Zapata both felt their stomachs heave at the memories that phrase brought. “It’s clear you were both violently sexually assaulted, and I’m afraid to say, our tests have shown that you are both pregnant.”

Patterson couldn’t stop herself, she vomited violently; Zapata cried out “No!” before also vomiting violently. Her ears were ringing and her stomach churning. It couldn’t be possible. Although they’d both been raped repeatedly, it hadn’t crossed her mind a foetus could survive the malnourishment or the violent beatings they had also both endured. 

Patterson was crying so hard it was just reinforcing the nausea. Wave after wave of nausea kept coming. Two nurses entered the room and thrust bowls at Zapata and Patterson to keep the worst of the vomit off the beds. The doctor must’ve made a mistake Patterson told herself, how the hell had anything been able to form, let alone grow inside her and Tasha given how close to death they had both been. 

The doctor left the room saying, “I can see this has been a big shock to you both. I’ll give you some space to take this news in then come and discuss options with you.”

Options, what bloody options? Zapata thought. This was too much, she couldn’t take it in. She looked at Patterson, who looked whiter, and iller than she had ever seen anyone look before. Zapata reached out and squeezed Patterson’s hand. “Patterson,” she said gently as the nurses too left the room, “Patterson, I’m here. We still have each other. We are going to be ok.” She said, trying to convince herself as much as she was Patterson, though the gnawing in her stomach and the pounding in her head, and the metallic taste that warned of vomit in her mouth told another story.

Patterson just looked up at her, her eyes red raw from crying, her hair lank and dull framed her face, her gown was splattered with vomit. “How can anything ever be even remotely ok again Tash? We are pregnant, with the children of terrorists, rapists, murderers, hell, we killed our children’s fathers.” Patterson managed to say before vomiting again. 

Zapata looked down, stroked Patterson’s hand softly. She knew Patterson was right, she knew that with those two words, the doctor had just changed their entire lives, which were already pretty screwed up from what they’d been through. She hadn’t thought anything could be worse than what they had endured with Reade in that cell. Suddenly, at the thought of Reade, she burst into tears again, huge sobs shook her body. Reade was dead, he would’ve known what to say or do. How the hell was she supposed to consider options? 

Patterson and Zapata were sobbing uncontrollably, unable to talk or even think when Jane entered their room. They were so lost in grief and tears, they hadn’t even registered her entering the room. Jane immediately rushed to her friends, trying to take their hands but finding Zapata and Patterson’s hands were held together, and would not be separated. It was then she became aware of the strong smell of vomit, and then realised her friends were covered in it.

Jane was afraid, she had never seen Zapata shed a tear, though she’d seen Patterson’s grief over David, and seen some truly horrific things, she had never witnessed people this distraught, this traumatised. What the hell had happened? She went to cup Patterson and then Zapata’s cheeks with her hand, but both immediately flinched back and defensively pushed her hand away.

“Patterson? Tasha? Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. What’s happened?” she asked, worry etched on her face. Patterson appeared to sob even harder, which Jane hadn’t thought possible. Can I get those filthy gowns off you? There’s spares here.

Zapata tried valiantly to compose herself, but her shaking body and trembling voice betrayed her, she struggled to speak through the tears. “We…’re….preg….nant…” she managed to get out before burying her head in her hands. 

Jane just looked at them bewildered. Had she heard her correctly? Had Zapata just said “we’re pregnant”? What did she mean we? Who? Zapata and Patterson? Both of them? How?

“What?” was all she managed to ask quietly immediately regretting it as both her friends started crying and shaking even more.

Zapata looked up again, this time she had rage and fear in her eyes as she spat her words out, “We are both pregnant, those bastard guards raped us Jane, so many times, and now we are both pregnant. What the fuck are we supposed to do? The doctor said we would talk options, what options? There are no fucking options.” Zapata seethed. 

Ok, it made sense now Jane thought, but holy hell, how on earth did a baby survive in either of them? She’d seen the appalling condition the women had been in. They were barely alive, the dr had said it was touch and go whether they would pull through. She struggled to take this new information in and stood there, staring at them.

“Don’t just stand there Jane, why the hell are you staring at us like that. It’s not our fucking fault. Get out!” Zapata was incensed now, and lashing out at the only person she could. 

Jane knew Zapata wasn’t really attacking her personally, she had to get some anger out, and Jane was the only person there. Jane was happy to be their punch bag, if it helped them. Jane took a step back before lowering her voice and gently saying, “Tasha, Patterson, I’m so sorry. I don’t have the words. I love you both so much. I’ll give you some privacy as I’m clearly making this worse for you. I’m so sorry, I’ll be right outside if you need anything, anything at all. I’m sorry.” Jane lowered her head and started backing towards the door as tears pricked at her eyes, and she knew she’d be unable to contain them.

Zapata saw the pained look and tears in Jane’s eyes. She instantly regretted lashing out at her. Jane was their friend, she hadn’t known what they’d just been told. It wasn’t her fault.  
“Jane, stay, please. I’m sorry I yelled. It’s not your fault, I know. I’m just…we’re just…I don’t know what’s happening Jane, none of this makes sense. I don’t understand how it’s possible. I just want this nightmare to end.” She said, her voice shaking as her bottom lip quivered as fresh tears started to fall. “I want Reade Jane, he’d know what to do. He’d take care of me and Patterson. I don’t know if I can take care of us on my own.”

Jane looked up, tears rolled down her cheeks. She felt stupid for crying, she had no right to cry given what her two best friends were going through. “I want Reade back too Tasha, I wish I could take this all away from both of you. I wish I could say or do something to make this better.” She said tearfully.

 

Now Patterson spoke, “It’s ok Jane, there’s nothing anyone can say or do to make this ok. Don’t feel bad. You could hand us those clean gowns and chuck these blankets out the way for us. ” She managed to say, before turning to look at Zapata. “I thought it was a sick joke at first but it’s not, is it Tash? It’s happening. Tash, I told you you’re not alone, I love you, Jane loves you and I’m pretty sure Weller loves us both too. This team, we’re a family. We all take care of each other. I know how deeply you loved Reade. I feel like there’s a huge hole in my life that he filled too. Please listen to me Tasha, I mean it when I say that I love you and you won’t have to do anything on your own.”

Zapata looked at Patterson and saw only love in her face. Then she looked at Jane, and saw love and concern there too. Then she looked down before saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I keep saying I’m alone. I’m just so scared. I’m sorry I quit the FBI. I sorry I ran out on you Patterson. I hurt, my body really hurts and these nightmares are so real, and now this. I don’t know if I can cope with taking care of myself, let alone be responsible for another human being. What if the babies have the same evil in them that their bastard fathers have? What if we’re carrying evil in us Patterson?” She shuddered as she remembered the guards. Jane handed Patterson and Zapata clean gowns, and removed their blankets as the women gratefully changed.

Patterson squeezed Zapata’s hand, and Jane went and took her other hand. “Tasha, I can’t pretend to know anything about babies or genetics or anything like that, but I don’t think babies can be born evil. I think that’s something that comes from life experiences, external things.” Jane said.

Patterson nodded furiously too. “There’s no scientific evidence to prove that character is genetic. It’s a case of nurture over nature for that. There’s no way that anything evil could come from you Tash.” She said warmly. 

Zapata didn’t look even remotely convinced. “Anyway, I think what’s more concerning is how what happened to us could affect our baby’s health.” Patterson continued.

Zapata winced as Patterson referred to the things inside them, inside her as ‘our babies’. She couldn’t accept that, not yet. She had no mother figure in her life, she hadn’t since she was a very young child, having been raised by an alcoholic mother, who eventually left her and her brother to raise themselves. She had no idea what it meant to be a mother. She’d never considered it as an option for herself. She still couldn’t.

She became aware of Jane sitting down at the end of her bed, gradually edging closer to her. “Tasha, Patterson, is it ok if I hug you both?” Jane asked, worried she might freak her friends out again.

Both women nodded and Jane happily embraced her friends. She had been so scared for them when she found them, thought she was going to lose them. She had missed them so much in their months of capture. It felt good to be able to hug them tight. She vowed she would take care of her friends and get them through this, whatever the future held.

“Jane, you’re hurting me!” Zapata choked out, Jane was hugging her so tight, it was hurting her broken ribs.

Jane leapt back, horrified that she had hurt her friend. “God, I’m so sorry!” she said checking that she hadn’t also hurt Patterson. 

“Jane, do you think you could go ask the doctor to come and talk to us? I think I need to talk to him.” Patterson asked, “If that’s ok with you Tash?” she added suddenly realising Tasha might not be ready to talk.

Zapata nodded meekly. “I guess we have to listen to what he has to say. Jane, will you stay with us please. I don’t trust my ears or brain to take much information in at the moment.” 

Jane went to find the doctor, and returned with him a few minutes later. “Agents.” He nodded towards them. “I’m truly sorry to have had to give you that news. I understand you have some questions.” He said.

“Doctor, how was it possible for anything to survive in us given how ill we were, we are?” Zapata demanded.

“The human body is amazing at preserving life. The blows you suffered miraculously missed your wombs. You were both incredibly fit and healthy before you were captured, and given that you are both about 7 weeks pregnant, implantation happened fairly early on in your captivity, when your bodies were considerably better shape than they currently are. I can’t say what effect your captivity will have had on the foetuses, it’s still very early on, but from all the test results we have, both of you are carrying perfectly viable pregnancies.”

Zapata and Patterson looked at each other, before Patterson then asked the doctor, “So, what about options doctor, what did you mean?” 

“As with any unplanned pregnancy, there are always a number of options to consider. We can of course offer you a termination, should you very understandably in these circumstances, not wish to continue with the pregnancy. Equally, we can support you to full term, and make arrangements for adoption workers to speak to you if you wish to go down that route, and we can of course support you with carrying your children to full term and beyond should you wish.” The doctor said

“Thank you doctor.” Patterson said, “Could you leave us now, I think we have a lot to think about.”

“Of course.” The doctor said, almost bowing to the women as he left the room.

“That was intense.” Jane blurted out.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Zapata said bitterly.

“Well, at least we know we have options now. Though I don’t personally think I can consider termination, I mean, if the baby is healthy then it doesn’t seem right to me.” Patterson hesitantly said.

Zapata let out a long sigh before saying, “Me neither. I know I don’t exactly practice any religion nowadays, but I was raised Catholic and I don’t think I could end a life of an innocent baby, no matter how unwanted or unexpected it is.”

Jane looked at her friends, it was sounding like massive changes for them and the team loomed on the horizon.

“I don’t think I could give away a baby either, especially knowing how it had been created, I think I need to give it all the love that was missing during its creation.” Patterson continued, before a sudden realisation hit her: “Tasha, I know this sounds crazy, but these babies inside us, they could be half siblings!” she exclaimed.

Zapata’s stomach lurched again as a fresh wave of nausea hit her and she grabbed hold of the rail of her bed to try and compose herself. “What?” she asked in disbelief.  
“Listen Tasha, it makes sense. Both guards, you know…(she couldn’t bring herself to say raped), with both of us so if the same one got us pregnant then they’d have the same father. They would share a parent, they’d be half siblings.”

Jane’s eyes widened and Zapata kept looking bewilderedly at Patterson, before finally understanding. “I guess you’re right. If that’s the case then there’s no way I could give it away. It wouldn’t be fair on yours.” Zapata didn’t know how she felt about that. She still couldn’t believe this shit was happening to them. Patterson seemed to have accepted that she was going to become the mother to a violent, terrorist’s child. Zapata just couldn’t process it at the moment. 

“Jane, help out of my bed please, I want to sit next to Tasha.” Patterson begged Jane. Jane obliged and helped Patterson climb in next to Tasha. Jane watched as Patterson so tenderly enveloped Tasha in a hug, allowing Tasha to bury her head against her chest and stroked the back of her head and hair with her free hand. She seemed to know exactly how to handle Tasha, to know exactly what she needed. 

Tasha sobbed quietly into Patterson’s chest, as Patterson whispered gently to her, “It’s ok Tash, shhhh, it’s ok. I’m here, I’m going to take care of you. You are so loved. It’s ok. Shhh.”

Jane again felt tears pricking her eyes, she saw the love Patterson had for Tasha and it was beautiful beyond words. She thought she had never met such a kind, wonderful, gentle person as Patterson. No, she knew, there wasn’t another person as beautiful inside and out as Patterson in existence. Jane walked over to her friends and after kissing Tasha softly in the top of her head, and then Patterson’s cheek said, “I’m gonna leave you guys now. You have so much to deal with right now, I’m kinda just in the way. I don’t mean that in a bad way, there just isn’t much I can do here. She needs you Patterson, and you need her. I’m so pleased you have each other. You have me and Weller to, you know that, but we’re not who you need at the moment.”

Patterson smiled and mouthed thank you to Jane as she left their room. Jane was right, all she and Tasha needed right now was each other.


	4. Chapter 4

Patterson held Tasha tenderly in her arms for what seemed like hours. Tasha was so broken, the tears flowed freely. Patterson was relieved that Tasha felt able to let all that emotion out, it would have surely killed her trying to keep that in. She herself felt remarkably ok, physically she hurt like hell still, and sure she was angry and pretty screwed up on the inside, but she knew she had to have this baby inside her, and that she had to give it the best possible chance of a life. She hoped and prayed Tasha would see this too, but there was no way she would try and force Tasha into a decision. She had no right to even think about doing that, despite there being a strong possibility Tasha was carrying her child’s sibling. Maybe some good, some light could come from this hideous situation they had been in. 

Patterson rocked Tasha gently, hoping that she would fall asleep, which she did eventually, Paterson was pretty sure she had exhausted herself through crying. She didn’t want to ever let Tasha go again, so adjusted their positions slightly so they were both laying in Tasha’s now very cramped cot. Patterson knew the nurses wouldn’t approve of their sleeping arrangement when they came in to do their bedtime check and medication, but just let them try and take Tasha away from her! Patterson too, fell into a restful sleep.

Tasha awoke to find herself in Patterson’s arms. She felt safe and warm there and didn’t want to move. She did however desperately need to pee, and there was no way she was going to attempt to use the bedpan with Patterson in her bed. Patterson’s breathing was slow and rhythmic, she was clearly asleep. Tasha didn’t want to wake her but she thought her bladder would burst of she didn’t. She stroked Patterson’s face gently before planting a tender kiss on her forehead, and whispered, “Good morning Patterson, my little sleepyhead, my comfy pillow and blanket. I need to pee!” 

“Hmmm…what?.....mmmm…it can’t be day yet.” A decidedly confused sounding Patterson mumbled. 

Tasha stroked her face again and kissed her knuckles. “I’m so sorry Patterson, I really have to pee, and I can’t go with you in my bed!”

“mmmm…ok, jus gimme a minute…” Patterson’s words slurred in to one as she tried to rouse herself from her slumber. She blinked a few times, and saw Tasha’s eyes looking right into hers. Patterson couldn’t explain why but she leant forwards and kissed a surprised Tasha on the lips before pulling herself up and swinging her legs over the edge of Tasha’s bed. “Ok, Tash, I’m moving.” She said before hoisting herself into her own bed and closing her eyes again almost immediately.

Tasha was surprised by Patterson’s kiss. Why had she kissed her like that, on the lips too? Maybe she was just too sleep deprived to realise what she was doing. Although unexpected, it had been a very pleasant sensation, that made Tasha smile. Tasha managed to pee at last and felt so much better for it, and was in the process of climbing into Patterson’s bed with her when then nurse entered the room. 

“What do you think you’re doing? Why are you out of bed? Get back in bed immediately!” the nurse ordered harshly.

“I was getting back into bed, her bed. I just had to pee first.” Tasha replied with a touch of defensiveness in her voice.

“These beds are not designed for two people. You’re right next to each other. Isn’t that enough?” The nurse answered brusquely.

Actually, thought Tasha, no it’s not. She realised she longed to be held by Patterson again. Patterson had made her feel so safe, so warm, so loved. Feelings she wasn’t used to having. She had made her believe that despite everything, it might be possible for things to be ok. Tasha was dragged form her thoughts as the nurse shoved a needle in her arm.

Tasha flinched and instinctively tried to pull her arm away, but the nurse seized her arm. “Stay still, I need to get some blood. The doctor has requested some more tests. He’s also ordered an ultrasound for you and Agent Patterson this morning.” 

“Please be more gentle with her.” Tasha pleaded, she hates needles. The nurse didn’t reply. She just matter of factly turned to Patterson and said, “Agent Patterson, I’m about to take your blood.” Patterson woke up, startled by the sudden prick of the needle, and just as Tasha done, instinctively pulled her arm away. The nurse tutted and got another needle and started the process again, before saying, “I’ll be in shortly with your breakfasts.”

Tasha looked across to Patterson and smiled. “Hey you!” she began, “Let’s talk babies!”

Patterson smiled back and reached for Tasha’s hand. “Does this mean you’ve decided to keep your child?” she asked.

“Well if they’re going to have such a beautiful, wonderful, amazing half-mother/aunt as you then yes I am.” Tasha replied.

Patterson laughed, “half-mom? Well that’s a new relationship to me!” 

Tasha laughed back and defiantly climbed out of her bed and into Patterson’s and cuddled up against her. “Will you hold me again please, until they take us for our ultrasound?” Tasha asked. 

Patterson wrapped her arms around Tasha and started stroking her hair and back again. “Of course I will Tash, I’ll hold you as long as you want, whenever you want.” She answered tenderly. Zapata felt her heart swell, Patterson had done it again, she felt loved.

Patterson held Tasha for a couple of hours, until the nurse and a couple of orderlies came to take them to ultrasound. Patterson felt nervous, over the previous 24 hours, she had grown to accept that she was pregnant, and instead of feeling repulsed as she was initially, she was feeling optimistic. It hadn’t been planned, she hadn’t wanted children for a good few years yet, and certainly wasn’t what she had hoped for in terms of becoming a mother, but she had always deep down thought she would like to be a mother. Now she was really nervous that the scan would show something awful about the baby. Realistically she knew that an 8 week scan was unlikely to show very much at all, but she was worried that the baby may have already died. Zapata saw the worry on Patterson’s face and held her hand tightly before the orderlies moved them. “Patterson, don’t worry. Whatever happens, we’re going to be ok. We have each other, remember?” she said trying to sound reassuring. Secretly though, she had the same worries as Patterson.

The women were wheeled in silence down the never-ending artificially bright corridors to the ultrasound rooms. They begged to go in together, they really couldn’t bear to be apart from each other. Reluctantly, the technician allowed them to stay together and Zapata was scanned first.

She flinched as the cold ultrasound jelly was rubbed onto her stomach. It all felt a bit surreal; she didn’t feel pregnant, not that she knew how that felt, but she’d always imagined you would feel something. She felt panic starting to rise, which Patterson spotted and held her hand. That calmed Zapata as the technician scanned her belly. Zapata could face looking at the little monitor, and tried desperately to block out the swooshing sounds and tried even harder to stop the silent tears that were falling. 

“Tasha look!” Patterson exclaimed, “Look, it’s your baby, Tasha, your baby, there’s the heartbeat. It’s strong Tash, just like its mom!” she continued excitedly before looking down at Tasha. Instantly, she stopped the excitement and looking concerned as she said, “Tasha, it’s ok, what’s wrong?” 

Zapata continued to look away from the screen. “I can hear it Patterson. If I look, it makes this nightmare real. I can’t look Patterson.” 

Patterson defied the technicians request to stay in her wheelchair and got out, leaned over and hugged Tasha. “Tasha, its ok. We talked about this. Everything is alright, we are going to put the nightmare behind us and focus on our future. Look at the screen Tasha, it’s not your child’s fault. Just look, please…for me.”

Zapata swallowed hard and managed to utter, “ok” through her tears and forced herself to look at the screen. Patterson was right: the outline of a tiny foetus was clear- the numbers indicated a healthy heartbeat, and the technician confirmed she was about 8 weeks along and everything looked normal. Tasha was totally numb; she just didn’t know what to think, had no idea how to process this. It just wasn’t supposed to happen. She was still silently staring as the technician handed her a towel to wipe the jelly off, and moved her back into her wheel chair to allow Patterson’s scan to happen.

Tasha held Patterson’s hand to reassure her as jelly was this time applied to her belly. Patterson was so nervous now, she didn’t know what she’d do if the scan showed something bad. Luckily, the swooshing sound returned and Patterson breathed a huge sigh of relief as the image of a foetus appeared on her monitor. She quickly looked for the heartbeat figures. Ok she thought, not as strong as Tasha’s baby, but those figures she knew were still good. Tasha managed a week smile as Patterson excitedly turned to her and said, “Look Tasha, my baby! It looks normal!” The technician confirmed that Patterson’s pregnancy too appeared normal. She talked through various measurements and outline what would happen in terms of scans and tests relating to the pregnancy whilst both women were in hospital, indeed the obstetrician recommended that both Zapata and Patterson stayed in hospital for the duration of their pregnancies because of what their bodies had been through.

Zapata looked appalled at spending the next 7 months in hospital. “What? 7 months in that tiny room? No way!” she exclaimed. 

Patterson too wasn’t thrilled at the prospect, but the obstetrician explained that there were much better, ‘home-style’ suites available – they just had to check if their health insurance could cover it. The obstetrician arrange for brochures to be delivered to their current hospital room.


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next three weeks, Patterson and Zapata’s health continued to improve, and their pregnancies continued to develop normally, as did some of the common symptoms of pregnancy. Both women started developing morning sickness, their ‘bumps’ started to be visible, sore breasts and it seemed, the almost constant need to pee. During those weeks, Zapata slowly began to accept the concept of pregnancy and motherhood. The brochure that had shown the maternity suites available to them and they didn’t actually look so bad. 

They had been in hospital about a month when the doctor announced they had visitors. Up until this pint, the only person Patterson and Zapata had allowed to visit was Jane. They hadn’t even let Weller come in. The visitors turned out to be Weller and Jane.

Weller looked at Zapata and Patterson. They looked so much better than when he had last seen them, a month ago began stretchered into ICU. He knew Jane had been visiting regularly and she had given him updates. He also knew about their pregnancies but decided not to mention that. “Zapata, Patterson, I’m glad to see you both awake and looking much better. You had us worried for a while there y’know. I told them you were both stubborn fighters.” He said smiling.

Weller and Jane looked at their friends, they were looking better physically, but there was clearly a lot mentally they were having to deal with.

“So Weller, I guess Jane told you our news – you’re going to be a double uncle!” Patterson giggled, trying to break the tension in the room that had accompanied Dr Sun.

“Um..yeah, she did.” Weller said looking decidedly uncomfortable and clearly didn’t know what else to say. Is it appropriate to congratulate a woman on a pregnancy resulting from a rape? He didn’t think so and Zapata’s still angry face made him think it was best not to say anything else. 

Jane spoke next, “So the doctor said you’re both doing really well in every sense, and you’re going to be moving into some swanky suite for a while. Tell us about it.”

Patterson dug around for the brochure and showed them where they were going to. Zapata still didn’t speak, she looked so forlorn that Jane had to ask if she was feeling ok.

“Tasha, are you ok? You don’t look so good and you haven’t said a word. Are you in pain? Should I fetch a doctor?” she asked worriedly.

Zapata sighed and looked up at Jane. “Sorry guys, it’s just…I’m messed up with the whole baby thing and not being able to go back to the office, and I still miss Reade so much…what am I going to do for 7 months cooped up in a glorified hospital room? No offence Patterson.” 

Patterson looked concerned and again tried to make a joke, “Tasha, how rude. You know I’ll have loads of board games and puzzles lined up for us.!” She said playfully tapping Zapata’s arm.

Zapata tried to smile but it was just too much effort, “Sorry Patterson. I know you’re excited, and I’m trying, I really am, I’m just not cut out for being a mother. I’ll be awful..I…” 

She was interrupted by Patterson enveloping her in a huge hug again as tears fell from her big brown eyes again. Weller looked at her in alarm, he couldn’t cope with women crying about things like this – he didn’t know how to fix it. Jane went to hug Zapata to and glared at Weller to suggest he should say something.

“Hey, Zapata, stop crying.” He began before being given death starts from Patterson and Jane. Clearly Jane hadn’t meant for him to say that.

“What?” He shrugged before continuing. “Zapata, I hadn’t planned to make a baby with Allie but it happened. It wasn’t our baby’s fault, just like this isn’t your or your baby’s fault. I freaked out and I was scared. But you know what, I had to suck it up. It was happening and I couldn’t control it – that’s terrible for a control freak like me, and dare I say it, like you too. I just had to let it go and do what I could to make it good. For what it’s worth, I think you would make a great mom, you are kind and so strong, you wouldn’t let anyone hurt your child, you’re so protective of them team Tasha. Think about what Reade would say. I miss him too Tasha, he was like a brother to me too, do you think he would want to see you moping around dwelling on the past? No, I can hear his voice now saying, “Zapata, get off your ass and do something about this. Its happening so let’s get on with it.””

Zapata looked up, she’d stopped crying. She knew Weller was right. Reade would be pushing her to stop feeling sorry for herself, not in a mean way, but in a supportive way. Just like Patterson, Jane and Weller were trying to do to, and she was just rejecting them. She turned to Patterson and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“Fine.” She said, “You’re right Weller, I need to pull myself together. I’ll cooperate, but please, if the doctors say its ok, can you bring me some work to do from our suite, even if it’s just filing. I can’t cope with playing Patterson’s never-ending board games pretending to be a hobgoblin or whatever it is.” She continued, forcing a smile, and a rather indignant look from Patterson. 

Everyone looked happily at Zapata, she still had her old wit and sarcasm, she was going to be ok. “Deal.” Weller replied, “As soon as the doctors say its ok, and that includes Dr Sun, I will bring you some work.” Zapata smiled and mouthed ‘thank you’ at him as right on cue, a nurse entered the room to take blood and do checks on their vitals. Jane and Weller left, promising to visit again the next day.

After the nurse had gone, Patterson sat next to Zapata on her bed. She put her arms around her and held her tight, kissing the top of her head. Zapata was a little surprised by the unexpected affection but let herself relax into Patterson’s arms. “I’m so proud of you Tasha.” Patterson whispered. “I know how far out of your comfort zone you are in this situation, and I’m so proud of how you’re coping. I’m not being patronising, I mean it. If I was as far out of my comfort zone, I don’t think I’d still be here. I’m so looking forward to moving into our suite next week, it’ll be great having you as a housemate. You’re amazing Tasha.” 

Zapata didn’t reply, she just let herself soak up the warmth of Patterson, and the very pleasant sensation of being held tightly to her chest, feeling her heartbeat against her face, and inhaling her scent. Patterson was so beautiful, in every possible way Tasha thought, and then told herself how lucky she was to have Patterson in her life. “Patterson, you’re the amazing one, I’m so grateful to have such a beautiful person in my life. I couldn’t get through this without you. Thank you.” She said in a muffled voice.

“I told you Tash, you’re stuck with me now, I’m not leaving you, ever. I love you.” Patterson replied.

The next week passed quickly, and before they knew it, they were being moved to the suite that was going to be their home for a while. Dr Sun had visited three times that week and was content the women were ok to move. They were both able to walk now, and do a very little light exercise, and both were eating more or less normally now. They still had recurring nightmares where they would wake up screaming but very quickly, they would be by the other’s side, comforting and calming them. 

They got quite a shock when, accompanied by Jane and Weller, they opened the door to their suite. It was huge, and not so much of a suite as an apartment! There were rooms, and a huge sunken bath in the middle of one of the rooms – Patterson squeaked with excitement, “That must be for a water birth!” 

Weller found some mugs and made drinks while Jane helped unpack Patterson and Zapata’s belongings she had gathered from their homes. She hadn’t brought much as it had dawned on her whilst packing a third suitcase of Patterson’s wardrobe, that they would require a whole new, maternity wardrobe as their bumps grew! Jane had called Patterson to confirm this was the case, and instead, stopped at a maternity store and brought a range of catalogues so the women to so a bit of retail therapy. Finally, satisfied that Patterson and Zapata would be ok in their temporary home, and after having set up a small computer room for them, Weller and Jane left. 

Zapata and Patterson sat on their enormous couch and switched on the TV. Zapata rested her head on Patterson’s chest as Patterson wrapped her arm around Tasha and stroked her back. I could stay like this forever Tasha thought to herself. Patterson just feels so good. 

Patterson too had grown to adore the feeling of Tasha against her breast, and feeling her breathing settle to a relaxed pattern. She realised she had come to totally adore everything about Tasha. She had missed Tasha so much in the last 2 years, she never wanted to be apart from her again. Her stomach had little butterflies at this thought. She loved Tasha, much more than as a friend, but there was no way she was going to say anything, recent events were still to fresh in both their minds, and she felt Tasha was so vulnerable at the moment it would freak her out. She just let it be, right now, everything felt perfect, Tasha had fallen asleep on her, and she let herself fall asleep too.

Over the following weeks, Patterson and Zapata settled into a comfortable routine. They shared a bed as they still didn’t like to be apart from each other, and would take turns in the shower and making each other breakfast. After breakfast they would do a little light exercise – take a walk around the small yard. They both missed their jobs and enjoyed being involved in cases, even if it was remotely. They would work and have lunch until early evening when they would curl up together on the sofa and either watch tv or play a board game. 

One evening as Patterson’s head was resting on Tasha’s bump, Patterson suddenly squealed. “Tasha! Your baby is kicking my head!” she exclaimed, sliding her hand under Tasha’s shirt and resting it directly on the skin of the bump. Tasha’s shivered at the unexpected skin to skin contact and was startled by how good it felt. “What?” she managed to ask.

Patterson grabbed her hand and brought it under her shirt too and placed her hand over Tasha’s. “Just feel Tash, your baby is really going for it!” Tasha, mesmerised by the sensation of her hand being under Patterson’s hand, under her shirt, felt the baby kick too. Suddenly, all the fear of the unknown left her, she looked up at Patterson who was grinning like a maniac. “I can feel it Patterson. Wow, this is amazing!” she said smiling and she genuinely meant it. For the first time since their release from captivity, Zapata felt happy, positive and happy.

She removed her hand from her belly and pushed Patterson back a little and without saying a word, lifted Patterson’s shirt and lay her cheek on her belly. Patterson was a little taken by surprise at this sudden movement, but again fell in love with the sensation of Tasha’s skin pressed against her own. She lay her hand against Tasha’s other cheek and stroked it gently, “Tasha, what are you doing? Not that I’m complaining!” she asked

“I want to feel baby Patterson kicking too!” Tasha explained before blowing a gently raspberry on Patterson’s belly.

“That tickles!” Patterson giggled, it felt so good to be like this with Tasha, and so good to see Tasha finally at peace with their situation. Patterson got another surprise when Tasha gently kissed her belly whispering, “come on baby P, show me what you’ve got.” Patterson giggled again but then felt the most wonderful sensation as she felt her baby kick inside her. Tasha felt it too and excitedly announced that Patterson’s baby was going to be a football star. Patterson lay her spare hand on her belly as Tasha pressed her cheek to it again to let Patterson continue to stroke her. 

They lay like that for a good 10 minutes without saying a word; they didn’t need to, it was one of those perfect moments. Tasha had never felt so much love in her life – for Patterson’s baby, for her own baby, and for Patterson herself. Since being released, she had come to need Patterson in her life – she longed for Patterson’s touch, for her words. She realised she had fallen hook, line and sinker in love with her. It scared her, it was totally new to her and she had no idea what Patterson felt. Sure, she kept telling her she loved her, but Tasha had assumed she meant as a friend. She had these confusing thoughts rushing through her head when Patterson gently tried to lift her head up to look at her. 

Their eyes met – Tasha’s chocolate brown eyes were caught in the gaze of Patterson’s piercing brilliant blue eyes. “Tasha,” Patterson whispered softly, not breaking her gaze into Tasha’s eyes, all the while raising Tasha’s head. Tasha had to adjust her position until she was sitting pressed against Patterson, facing her. Patterson moved her hand so it was under Tasha’s chin and tilted it upwards, before placing her other hand on Tasha’s cheek. ”Tasha.” Patterson repeated again. Tasha couldn’t speak. Tasha’s heart was now pounding in her chest. She was sure Patterson was about to kiss her. She blinked, and sure enough when she opened her eyes, Patterson’s gaze had fallen from her eyes to her mouth and Patterson lowered her lips to Tasha’s in what felt like slow motion. Eventually their lips met, Patterson’s lips tasted of her strawberry lip balm as the kissed her softly. Patterson’s tongue traced over Tasha’s bottom lip, requesting Tasha to open her mouth to let her tongue in. It was the most incredible feeling Tasha had ever felt and she didn’t hesitate to allow Patterson’s tongue in her mouth to meet her own. 

Their tongues danced together and Tasha ran her hands through Patterson’s soft, wavy hair before cradling her skull in her hands. They were kissing with more urgency now, like they were letting go everything that had happened to them, and were making up for lost time. This was a proper, grown-up up kiss, with passion and sensuality. They kissed for as long as they could before needing to surface for air. This was so much better than their last kiss, there was no alcohol involved. They both knew it was genuine. Then they rested their foreheads together and Tasha broke the silence. “Patterson, I think I love you more than just a friend.” She blurted out.

Patterson took Tasha’s head in her hands again and replied, “I’ve loved you as more than a friend for a long time now. I just didn’t know how you felt and didn’t want to freak you out, but I just couldn’t hold back from kissing you properly anymore today.” And as if to prove her point, she pulled Tasha in for another deep kiss. Tasha’s stomach was somersaulting, and it wasn’t the baby. Patterson’s kiss was making her tingle with desire. God, how much she wanted Patterson. Tasha hadn’t felt this much passion and desire in, well, she didn’t think she had ever felt like this before. She couldn’t stop herself from moaning when Patterson’s hand moved from her face and slid under her shirt again. 

Patterson pulled her lips slightly away from Tasha’s but were still so close that Tasha felt her breathing her lips as she asked, “is this ok Tash, I’m not making you feel uncomfortable am I?”

Tasha didn’t bother speaking as a reply, she closed the small gap between their lips and kissed Patterson, much harder this time. Patterson stroked Tasha’s bare back beneath her shirt, making Tasha shiver with desire. Tasha decided to be bold and slid her hands under Patterson’s shirt too, and mirrored the stroking on her back. Now Patterson moaned. “Tasha…this…feels…so…good.” She whispered breathlessly. 

Tasha and Patterson kissed and cuddled on the sofa for hours, before deciding they needed to eat; and to talk about what was happening. Patterson made them soup and toast and as they ate they talked, really talked. 

“Tash, I don’t really know how to explain what’s happening. I’ve never kissed a woman before, well apart from you before you left and that didn’t end well. I’ve never had feelings like this for a woman before but I know what love feels like and I am so in love with you. I’ve been falling in love with you since before, you know, since before. I didn’t realise how strong my feelings were for you until you went away and then when we were in hospital. First, I thought it was to do with being held hostage together but, I had those feelings before that so it wasn’t. I think that was just a catalyst. The way you made my body, my heart feel when you kissed me back was just…I don’t even have a word for it. I didn’t want that feeling to end, I don’t want that feeling to end.” Patterson spoke quickly before stopping and biting her bottom lip. “Tasha, it scares me what I feel for you, I’m scared of wrecking it all.”

Tasha reached across the table for Patterson’s hand. “Patterson, you couldn’t wreck anything, even if you tried. I love you Patterson, I’ve never told anyone I loved them before because I never have. You make me feel like I didn’t know it was possible to feel. I’ve never kissed a woman before you either, but what happened just feels so perfect it can’t be wrong. I’m scared too. It was why I ran away before. I was scared of what I felt for you and I thought I would do something to wreck it and I couldn’t face hurting you. After what happened to us, I didn’t think I could ever let anyone touch me, let alone want them to touch me, but Patterson, I wanted your touch, I want your touch. I want you.”

Patterson put her spoon and bowl down and walked over to Tasha’s seat and pulled her to her feet before kissing her with such urgency Tasha couldn’t breathe. Lips still firmly pressed against each other, they stumbled into their bedroom, totally forgetting where they were. After gently lowering themselves onto the bed, Patterson said, “how about we forget the past and concentrate on moving on?”

Tasha looked hungrily into Patterson’s eyes and then at her lips before leaning forwards and whispering, “I’m moving on.” And kissing Patterson passionately.


End file.
